Are we in a gay sports bar?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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