I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
