is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
