halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize