i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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