..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
