i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
