someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
