well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
