But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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