i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
