I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize