I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
