I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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