TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
