Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
