pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize