Farmville is her only friend.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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