Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
