I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
