piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
