Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
