I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
True strength comes from lack of pants
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
