I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
