he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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