He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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