Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
