i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
