I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize