the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
