Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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