I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
