Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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