That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
