I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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