It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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