You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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