So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
