Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
