I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
