You can't motorboat a personality
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
