Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
