First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
