Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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