Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
