Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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