there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
