It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
