you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize