Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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