This is not my ceiling
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
