I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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