you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
