we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
