Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
