I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
