I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
