just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
