the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
