i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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