I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
