remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
