dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
