How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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