I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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