New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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