We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
