So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He did a backflip because drugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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