did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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