My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
