Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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