So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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