we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
