We named our party play list daddy issues
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
