are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
