your parents love me but you hate me
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
