imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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