SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
