Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
