why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do vagina's smell?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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