Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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