I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
