We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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