there's paper in my vomit.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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