Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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