dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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