my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
