3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
