either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
