Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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