No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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