we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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