He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize