no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
