I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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